All you need to understand is the bucket and the tree…

This weekend in Kribi, Amber, Kasia and I found the answer to all our questions. We realized that one has to only think about the bucket and the tree, and you will never wonder or complain about the Cameroonian way of life again. Let me try to put this into words while I tell you about a little paradise called Kribi…
I was told that the first bus to Kribi leaves at 6:30 in the morning and that one has to be there around 5 in order to get a ticket as the buses are packed on Saturdays. Following the good advice, we dragged ourselves like zombies around 5 a.m. to the bus station. Well we were a little late as we figured “we are in Cameroon”, thus being 30 minutes late is as good as being on time! Well wrong thought, we could have been 1h30min late and that would have still been ok! Once seated in the bus, one second later we were in Kribi. I think that it took me less than a minute to fall asleep due to my lack of sleep and the odour of my neighbour.
Once in Kribi we took a cab to the catholic missionary hostel we were meant to stay in. Of course, “comme habitude” the place was very far away from town. The taxi driver dropped us and we wondered around searching for a sister, who was no where to be found. Still half asleep and very very hungry, we might as well search for some food and then return to see if anyone was there. We were also expecting Titus and co. from Yaounde and Richard, who was discovering some villages near by. We hiked a little south asking the way to a restaurant and the beach. It was not far and soon we were seated in a hotel restaurant at 10 a.m. Time is an important issue here! Apparently it was too late for breakfast and too early for lunch, thus the menu was not much of a help. We had the choice between chicken sandwich, omelette and bread. Kasia and I ordered a chicken sandwich and Amber went for the pain au chocolat with some coffee and jus. 10:45 Amber receives a plate of dry baguette, one tiny portion of jam and coffee and of course no juice. Kasia and I were sharing a big bottle of coke because that was the only drink that was cold, so we were told. I initially ordered a D’Jino, which is the equivalent to juice here, but I would consider it more like a fruit cocktail soft drink. Nevertheless, I was told Coke was my only choice. But then again, what is there better than a good cold coke in the morning on an empty stomach?
11:00 a.m. Amber had finished her meal, she did not order, we started wondering and complaining were our food was. It was then that we had an enlightenment. We are in Cameroon! Here if someone orders a chicken sandwich this it how it works: The order is written down on paper with a pencil. Then this piece of paper is taken to the kitchen were the tasks are being split. One goes into town, preferably by foot, to buy the bread (that already being an efficient thought because they could also bake it themselves and as you will hopefully soon understand that would be even more difficult), the second goes to buy some seeds to plant some tomatoes and onions, the third goes out in search of a chicken in order to… you all know what will happen to the chicken. However, the situation is a little more complicated, because this is CAMEROON, thus one has to think even a little further to understand! In order to prepare the chicken one needs certain utensils, and being in Cameroon they are all made of wood. Thus why would anyone own these utensils before an order is made? Why, if in Cameroon there is the time to just plant a tree!
We received our chicken sandwich around 12:30. It was plain, but it was good. We were happy as we finally understood there is nothing, absolutely nothing to question in Cameroon. Why would anything be at all different?
Not surprisingly the others had not shown up yet, very surprisingly though the sister was there to let us in our room. However, we stayed there 5 minutes and decided to wait for the others at the beach. Wise decision as the people from Yaounde had quite a delay, but of course why should it be any different. Richard, however, was the lucky one to experience the Cameroonian philosophy of time to the fullest extent. I just smiled when I received his message around 11 that he is waiting at a station for his bus. He was told that it could come between 9 am and 4pm. But of course, why should it be any different? One can easily spend 7 hours waiting in a bus station, if one can wait for a tree to grow. Funny, if I recall correctly, a man told Kasia and Amber that they will grow old together in Cameroon. That doesn’t seem so silly anymore!
The point is that we all arrived at some point or another, and once we were all there we were able to enjoy the beautiful scenery to its fullest extent! Time just seems to run slower in Cameroon, because even the beautiful moments seem to last forever here.
For dinner we chose a local private restaurant which Kasia discovered before. We were all starving and fresh grilled shrimp was guaranteed. It was a little table placed on rocks at the beach. The man took our order of shrimp, with fried plantain and several drinks, and we were told to wait an hour. No problem as we had the beautiful sunset to look at, and we do not really seem to have any problems to entertain each other. 5 minutes later the sun had set and it was pitch dark! Well again, we are in Cameroon, so the light of the stars will just do. 2 hours later, Amber was entertaining us with various Disney songs; however our hunger was still not dimmed. Then we thought of the tree and it was clear to us once again. Why have some shrimp ready if one can first take an order and then go out with the boat and catch some fresh shrimp? However, why even have a boat ready if there…
Then once the shrimp is caught, one needs a bucket to get the shrimp from A to B, and it was then that Amber sang a song which could not explain Cameroon any better!!!

There’s a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza!
There’s a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, a hole!

Then mend it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry!
Then mend it dear Henry, dear Henry, mend it!

With what shall I mend it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I mend it, dear Liza, with what?

With straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry!
With straw, dear Henry, dear Henry, a straw!

But the straw is too long, dear Liza, dear Liza!
But the straw is too long, dear Liza, too long!

Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry!
Then cut it, dear Henry, dear Henry, cut it!

With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I cut it, dear Liza, with what?

With a knife, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry!
With a knife, dear Henry, dear Henry, a knife!

But the knife is too dull, dear Liza, dear Liza!
But the knife is too dull, dear Liza, too dull!

Then sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry!
Then sharpen it, dear Henry, dear Henry, sharpen it!

With what shall I sharpen it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I sharpen it, dear Liza, with what?

With a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry!
With a stone, dear Henry, dear Henry, a stone!

But the stone is too dry, dear Liza, dear Liza!
But the stone is too dry, dear Liza, too dry!

Then wet it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry!
Then wet it, dear Henry, dear Henry, wet it!

With what shall I wet it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
With what shall I wet it, dear Liza, with what?

With water, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry!
With water, dear Henry, dear Henry, water!

But where shall I get it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
But where shall I get it, dear Liza, but where?

From the well, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry!
From the well, dear Henry, dear Henry, the well!

In what shall I carry it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
In what shall I carry it, dear Liza, in what?

In the bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry!
In the bucket, dear Henry, dear Henry, the bucket!

BUT THERE’S A HOLE IN MY BUCKET, DEAR LIZA, DEAR LIZA!
THERE’S A HOLE IN MY BUCKET, DEAR LIZA, A HOLE!

Those who still do not understand must come and experience the Cameroonian way of life themselves! It is definitely worth it:)